What I would hope for

When I was a kid, they didn't have the internet. I was trapped in a worldview I did not know how to escape. I had to let "outside influences" take over my life. I had been rendered unable to choose, I had been rendered unable to think for myself. At the height of my desperation, I experienced a visit from "my future self" who told me it would work out OK. Who told me I had to do what I knew I had to do, I had to let go of the safety. I had to let go of my friends. I had to let go of my family. I had no other assurance it would work out OK beyond this visit from my future self. I knew I had to be free, and I knew that would not be possible if I continued to live as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

What I would hope for is something more than what my occasional reaching out to strangers in ex-Witness support groups has shown me. I would hope to be able to show that it is possible to emerge from this atmosphere without the bitterness and the grudge. I don't think you'll ever be "normal" as in, able to leave the past in silence. My friends know that I will refer to my past as a Witness with some regularity, and they tolerate it in me. They don't know what we have emerged from, and my friend, if you are on that threshold, and if you are ready to make the step, then can I share a little of what I have learned with you.

I once hoped to be able to write a story as powerful as Siddhartha, or Tommy, or as powerful as a good pop song: Do you Feel Like We Do, or a Bob Seger joint, or whatever hook, line, or riff has given you a moment of freedom and a taste of what free air might be like. I don't think I have that beautiful story in me. I have only appreciation for the freedom, and appreciation for the artists who have portrayed a world that is beyond beautiful. A world to be shared with reverence and awe, not a world to be feared.

Religion inhabits my language. I cannot talk about the things that are most important to me without reverting to the language of worship and awe. And so my friend, I have figured out who it is I'm talking to. I'm talking to you, myself in the past: full of doubts, and fears, and questions, and ready to take a stand, ready to make a change. I'd like to share with you some of the things you will find out.

Let's begin with level flight.


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Location:Salem 1984